my dirty little secrets.
Sunday, February 29, 2004
long time nvr update le.heckk.
anyway.im sufering so muchh.
sickk.wenta c a doc.
n i haf a throat infection
throat inflammation and sore throat.
-bleaughs- 4 medicines.
yucck.i hate em lik atg.
sighs.hopefful tis can b an excuse not to run on wed.
nats are here.finally??
im so freakin nervous.
i dowanan run.
imagine runnin n gettgin last.
with all eyes focused on u.
i mean there's boud to b a last in the team.
yeshh.and thats me!
i hate stress.arghs.
this wk super depressing.
and saddenin esp thurs.
well.its sure to remain on my head4eva.
i mean it..
it all started wn wn i gt back my chinese ct.
-sobs-how demoraelising.
B3.totaly far fr my expectations.
tried my best to hold back my tears.
kept looking away
really din wana break down in class.
one of the lowest in class.
how pathetic.
n i cld haf scored better.
realy.all thx to my compre.sighs...
others got lik A1??haiz
hopefully the other pprs wld b better.
cos i reli studyied damn friggin hard for ct..
really wanted to do well.
but i always failed to do so. ='(
nvm.den sir came my class.
told me classmates not to lemme do jumps
pigg-.it wasnt as tho i wanted to fall rite.
den still ticked me of in class.
say offhand i running.
i den donwanna run for the sch lor.
will only malu den bring glory.
freakk-i noe my limits..
for heaven's sakkee.
the whole day was super terrible.
jus wasnt in e moodd to do atg.
jus stoning all the way.bleah.
after sch.sir scolded..
but b4 tt.i was already crying.
visited the toilet dunno how many times.
broke down cos of results.
and sum other stuff.
so saddening.wails.
went for trng.1.5 twice.
was lik a time trial.
baingz.got last as usual.
wads new pls...so disappointed agn.
i jus dun haf e flare for running lo.
i can just go n die agn
waolaoehs.i reli dun lik running le.
Butttt.i haf oredi changed my mentality.
really decieded..
to be that enthu lynetee once agn.
ntg is impossible.
yesh.i will start from scratch once agn.
cos now i do believe in myself.maybe??
i donoe lar.i will really try lorh.
cos i wasn born to be a slacker.
neither do i wan to be one.
its all self-worth.
n i shudnnt be disapponting myself.
or even others.
those who have pinned high hopes
esp sir.i cant afford to lose agn.
yeah.n aft lin brainwash on tues.
i guess i learnt alot too.
i hadta changed my mindset.
in order to get tgs done.
yeah.read a newspaper article.
the 3 ways in whihc one grows..
1.dun be disappointed cos of failures.
2.learn to stand up on ur feet aft failure.
3.have a goal.aim to that.
wells.i tink it makes quite alot of sense.
cos u noe i gif up easily.
im not those kidn of ple tt is numb to failure.
etime wn i wish to start agn.
im bound to stumble across another obstacle.
and no one seems to even bother abt me.
these few days.all my fake smiles.
not even one has seen thru it.
its not tt i wan em to noe im nto ok la.
i wan em to tink im fine.
thats the reason behind all my smiles.
cos if i express my upsettness.
ple sure ask if im alrite.
even if i say yes or no.
its up to em to tink wads wrong wif me.
yeah.n i got so much bottled inside.
no knwoning jus who to talk to.
e1 got their problems.
some more some less.
maybe mine is considered average la.
but i really do not know kays.
den mstan still asked me if i was invovled in hse.
sighs.i told u i love my hse le.
reli not willing to gif up.
cos i haf no idrea wads gd or wad for me..
yeahyeah.sighs.
hate tis screwed up life im living.
sobsob.
but wadever it is.obv i will still go on ritee.
nats on wed.
having cold feet.
cos i simple dowanna run.
im far from the rest
so i dun see the point in letting me run lor.yeah
hope sir lets sum1 better do so.
please please please
its the finals straight away.
cant afford to make ny more mistakes.
else lin will sure to blare.
arghs.n i dowan tt to happen.meow.
anyway.im sufering so muchh.
sickk.wenta c a doc.
n i haf a throat infection
throat inflammation and sore throat.
-bleaughs- 4 medicines.
yucck.i hate em lik atg.
sighs.hopefful tis can b an excuse not to run on wed.
nats are here.finally??
im so freakin nervous.
i dowanan run.
imagine runnin n gettgin last.
with all eyes focused on u.
i mean there's boud to b a last in the team.
yeshh.and thats me!
i hate stress.arghs.
this wk super depressing.
and saddenin esp thurs.
well.its sure to remain on my head4eva.
i mean it..
it all started wn wn i gt back my chinese ct.
-sobs-how demoraelising.
B3.totaly far fr my expectations.
tried my best to hold back my tears.
kept looking away
really din wana break down in class.
one of the lowest in class.
how pathetic.
n i cld haf scored better.
realy.all thx to my compre.sighs...
others got lik A1??haiz
hopefully the other pprs wld b better.
cos i reli studyied damn friggin hard for ct..
really wanted to do well.
but i always failed to do so. ='(
nvm.den sir came my class.
told me classmates not to lemme do jumps
pigg-.it wasnt as tho i wanted to fall rite.
den still ticked me of in class.
say offhand i running.
i den donwanna run for the sch lor.
will only malu den bring glory.
freakk-i noe my limits..
for heaven's sakkee.
the whole day was super terrible.
jus wasnt in e moodd to do atg.
jus stoning all the way.bleah.
after sch.sir scolded..
but b4 tt.i was already crying.
visited the toilet dunno how many times.
broke down cos of results.
and sum other stuff.
so saddening.wails.
went for trng.1.5 twice.
was lik a time trial.
baingz.got last as usual.
wads new pls...so disappointed agn.
i jus dun haf e flare for running lo.
i can just go n die agn
waolaoehs.i reli dun lik running le.
Butttt.i haf oredi changed my mentality.
really decieded..
to be that enthu lynetee once agn.
ntg is impossible.
yesh.i will start from scratch once agn.
cos now i do believe in myself.maybe??
i donoe lar.i will really try lorh.
cos i wasn born to be a slacker.
neither do i wan to be one.
its all self-worth.
n i shudnnt be disapponting myself.
or even others.
those who have pinned high hopes
esp sir.i cant afford to lose agn.
yeah.n aft lin brainwash on tues.
i guess i learnt alot too.
i hadta changed my mindset.
in order to get tgs done.
yeah.read a newspaper article.
the 3 ways in whihc one grows..
1.dun be disappointed cos of failures.
2.learn to stand up on ur feet aft failure.
3.have a goal.aim to that.
wells.i tink it makes quite alot of sense.
cos u noe i gif up easily.
im not those kidn of ple tt is numb to failure.
etime wn i wish to start agn.
im bound to stumble across another obstacle.
and no one seems to even bother abt me.
these few days.all my fake smiles.
not even one has seen thru it.
its not tt i wan em to noe im nto ok la.
i wan em to tink im fine.
thats the reason behind all my smiles.
cos if i express my upsettness.
ple sure ask if im alrite.
even if i say yes or no.
its up to em to tink wads wrong wif me.
yeah.n i got so much bottled inside.
no knwoning jus who to talk to.
e1 got their problems.
some more some less.
maybe mine is considered average la.
but i really do not know kays.
den mstan still asked me if i was invovled in hse.
sighs.i told u i love my hse le.
reli not willing to gif up.
cos i haf no idrea wads gd or wad for me..
yeahyeah.sighs.
hate tis screwed up life im living.
sobsob.
but wadever it is.obv i will still go on ritee.
nats on wed.
having cold feet.
cos i simple dowanna run.
im far from the rest
so i dun see the point in letting me run lor.yeah
hope sir lets sum1 better do so.
please please please
its the finals straight away.
cant afford to make ny more mistakes.
else lin will sure to blare.
arghs.n i dowan tt to happen.meow.
the girl next door;
Saturday, February 21, 2004
had eng n sci ct yest.
hms.was pretty alrite lah.
but i shant say atg abt it :P
after dun do well n i'll b disappointed.
yea.at least i studied.
went turfcity earlier.
wif nic, mq n sock.
was supposed to go 8.3km
yeah..which is abt 2 rnds.
but i only did 1.
with atrocious timing.
worst den normal.
biangz.i im reli a slacker.
instead of even completin e workout.
i stopped.n did sum bloody sprints.
blah.more confident in sprints.
i dunno why. =|
i din even push myself todae.
i just gave up.
wifout even trying.
u shud see the gap btwen the rest.
how slow m i..
i know my limits.
so saddening to b laggin far far behind
despite all the hard efforts
etg was a waste.
i dun plan to train any harder le.
rather concentrate on my studies.
cos my grades haf been improvin.
ever since i ponned trng.
yeahh.
i wished i was lik mq.
studies n running also good.
wahh.im suchaa failure.
whee.
i dun plan to be in the team
cos i know i wun haf e chance to.
i rather pros b in the team
bringin glory to e sch.
n not sum idiots lik me.
who probably pull e team down.
yesh.heckk.
even sec 1s are better den me.
i really shud b ashamed of myself.
n anw.lin finds me a eyesore.
so i shant go for his trng.
no benefits anw..
so wads the friggin point of trng so hard?
mms.i noe i've got no talent in running.
besides my mum wants me to quit track.
shicne its body-draining n time consuming.
she probably b tokin to sir aft ct.
den hope sir lemme quit.
n i will haf more time on others.
whihc are perhaps more impt?
wadever it is.
i dun enjoy track or runnin anymore.
think i was juz pure dumb wn i once loved runnin
ohwells.dun gif a damn.
n i cant believe tt trackerrs are actually tokin behind my back.
wahh.best.
sorry.
u all claim i havent done my part for track.
u all say im too slack, lettin e team down.
still kp sayin all the bad tgs abt me.
haix.'ve got no idea how i offended u.
but u all dunno how its lik to b in my shoes.
so stressfull n etg.
being the last is nt sth e1 tried b4
its super demoraelising u noe.
u tink i wan crescent to lose meh?
its not as tho i've nv trained hard b4.
but rather cos i failed too many times.
tt its reli hard to try once more.
if it was just once,
im willing to gif my best agn.
but just look at how many times ive failed?
u all dun even understand the feelg.
n yet.u still wana comment on me.
i just dun understadn why..
i really tried..
u just dun believe me.
so be it then.
i cant say much.
cos indeed, i cant do much for track.
since i havent been setting a gd eg.
why dun u set a gd eg for ur jnrs??
yupp.i admit im a failure cum slacker.
yeah.not a perfectionist at all.
u just dun care abt my feelings.
din knew u all wld aactually say tt abt me.
sighs.wadever.
im just so lost n fAn.
really got too much on my mind.
aiyahs.wld ratehr track go away..
since u all tink im not capable enuff to remain in track.
so i'll let it be....
hms.was pretty alrite lah.
but i shant say atg abt it :P
after dun do well n i'll b disappointed.
yea.at least i studied.
went turfcity earlier.
wif nic, mq n sock.
was supposed to go 8.3km
yeah..which is abt 2 rnds.
but i only did 1.
with atrocious timing.
worst den normal.
biangz.i im reli a slacker.
instead of even completin e workout.
i stopped.n did sum bloody sprints.
blah.more confident in sprints.
i dunno why. =|
i din even push myself todae.
i just gave up.
wifout even trying.
u shud see the gap btwen the rest.
how slow m i..
i know my limits.
so saddening to b laggin far far behind
despite all the hard efforts
etg was a waste.
i dun plan to train any harder le.
rather concentrate on my studies.
cos my grades haf been improvin.
ever since i ponned trng.
yeahh.
i wished i was lik mq.
studies n running also good.
wahh.im suchaa failure.
whee.
i dun plan to be in the team
cos i know i wun haf e chance to.
i rather pros b in the team
bringin glory to e sch.
n not sum idiots lik me.
who probably pull e team down.
yesh.heckk.
even sec 1s are better den me.
i really shud b ashamed of myself.
n anw.lin finds me a eyesore.
so i shant go for his trng.
no benefits anw..
so wads the friggin point of trng so hard?
mms.i noe i've got no talent in running.
besides my mum wants me to quit track.
shicne its body-draining n time consuming.
she probably b tokin to sir aft ct.
den hope sir lemme quit.
n i will haf more time on others.
whihc are perhaps more impt?
wadever it is.
i dun enjoy track or runnin anymore.
think i was juz pure dumb wn i once loved runnin
ohwells.dun gif a damn.
n i cant believe tt trackerrs are actually tokin behind my back.
wahh.best.
sorry.
u all claim i havent done my part for track.
u all say im too slack, lettin e team down.
still kp sayin all the bad tgs abt me.
haix.'ve got no idea how i offended u.
but u all dunno how its lik to b in my shoes.
so stressfull n etg.
being the last is nt sth e1 tried b4
its super demoraelising u noe.
u tink i wan crescent to lose meh?
its not as tho i've nv trained hard b4.
but rather cos i failed too many times.
tt its reli hard to try once more.
if it was just once,
im willing to gif my best agn.
but just look at how many times ive failed?
u all dun even understand the feelg.
n yet.u still wana comment on me.
i just dun understadn why..
i really tried..
u just dun believe me.
so be it then.
i cant say much.
cos indeed, i cant do much for track.
since i havent been setting a gd eg.
why dun u set a gd eg for ur jnrs??
yupp.i admit im a failure cum slacker.
yeah.not a perfectionist at all.
u just dun care abt my feelings.
din knew u all wld aactually say tt abt me.
sighs.wadever.
im just so lost n fAn.
really got too much on my mind.
aiyahs.wld ratehr track go away..
since u all tink im not capable enuff to remain in track.
so i'll let it be....
the girl next door;
Saturday, February 14, 2004
[the person in front of me was meant to be overtaken]
ohh.timing sucks like hell.
damnit.18.50.wad shit lorh.tsk.
cant believe myself.wtf.
n leticia.cheer up kies?
u were probably not feeling well todae.
if not.i wun have been better den u.
serious.cos i suck.bleah.
nvm.abt saddening stuff.:|
went ys hse aft trng.
made gen wait for an hr for me.
so sorry kays.waited long too.
we crapped alot at her hse.
wif jamie.
all of us were busy dressing up.
lik japs.
n i looked super horrendous pls.
grins.
wait till my classmates see the photos.
on our webppages.
probably luff their heads off.
gee.n jamie looked so cute..
wif tt mini skirt.teeheehee.
im so cheeky. =)
n eh.
i wanna clarify!!!
im NOT skinny kays.
its so happened tt all the clothes were too big.
n not cos im skinny.
yea.the whole point.
im not thin at all. :P
-pouts- i dont care.
aiya.i cant believed i cld cry cos of my class.
read my classmates blogs.
omg.had a shock outta my life.
i din now tgs were so bad..
sorry.neglected all of you ple.
gave u all the note.
written esp for each one of u..
sincerity.filled wif love.
i wanted all of u to b happy=D
but apparently.sum ple din bother abt it.
despite all the time i spent.
writtin a diff msg for each one of u.
ohwell.its fine if u all r not appreciated.
.i just wanted PEACE.
please girls.dont spike each other anym.
u dunno how others feel.
whne they find out wads happening.
espcially me.
my tears are worth it.
since its for you ple.2C2
a class that would stand together.forever.
and i really mean.always together FOREVER
dun be pissed or angry anm.
there are ple out there who cares.
sigh.i wish i cld help.but sorry.
ohh.timing sucks like hell.
damnit.18.50.wad shit lorh.tsk.
cant believe myself.wtf.
n leticia.cheer up kies?
u were probably not feeling well todae.
if not.i wun have been better den u.
serious.cos i suck.bleah.
nvm.abt saddening stuff.:|
went ys hse aft trng.
made gen wait for an hr for me.
so sorry kays.waited long too.
we crapped alot at her hse.
wif jamie.
all of us were busy dressing up.
lik japs.
n i looked super horrendous pls.
grins.
wait till my classmates see the photos.
on our webppages.
probably luff their heads off.
gee.n jamie looked so cute..
wif tt mini skirt.teeheehee.
im so cheeky. =)
n eh.
i wanna clarify!!!
im NOT skinny kays.
its so happened tt all the clothes were too big.
n not cos im skinny.
yea.the whole point.
im not thin at all. :P
-pouts- i dont care.
aiya.i cant believed i cld cry cos of my class.
read my classmates blogs.
omg.had a shock outta my life.
i din now tgs were so bad..
sorry.neglected all of you ple.
gave u all the note.
written esp for each one of u..
sincerity.filled wif love.
i wanted all of u to b happy=D
but apparently.sum ple din bother abt it.
despite all the time i spent.
writtin a diff msg for each one of u.
ohwell.its fine if u all r not appreciated.
.i just wanted PEACE.
please girls.dont spike each other anym.
u dunno how others feel.
whne they find out wads happening.
espcially me.
my tears are worth it.
since its for you ple.2C2
a class that would stand together.forever.
and i really mean.always together FOREVER
dun be pissed or angry anm.
there are ple out there who cares.
sigh.i wish i cld help.but sorry.
the girl next door;
Thursday, February 12, 2004
[why am i just so slack these few days]
i din train yest.nor todae.
n today was OFFICIAL trng.
yesh.i suck..not enthu le.
wish i knew y tis is happenin to me.
n now i know.
i rather quit track den bronte or council.
if i really had to make a choice.serious.
feel lik givin up etg.
cos its juz a waste of time trng
when i know i cant improve.
i cant be bothered anymore.
since sir's angry wif me AGAIN>
cant stand it.
tot tis damn cold war was over.
yet it started agn.shit..$#@!
n im feeling guilty.
supposed to b at trng right now.
i cant believe i din go..
i dunno wads in my head.
why the hell is etg hapennin at the same time?
gosh.life sucks.
first..got scolded by gws.
freakk.totally tink jap pj was a waste of time..
aiya.life just sucks.
its better off dead..
nats in a few weeks.
i dun even seem bothereed.
wish i cld b as anthu as b4.
to b my old self once agn.
cos i simply dun lik now!
wished i was lik ethel or mq..
always goin for LIn's trng.
and me..i just dun run at all.
omg.i tink i shudnt have existed in e ferst plc.
why must track have 2 separate trngs?
why cant e1 train tgt?
does anybody noe its cos of the separation tt we are not as united?
the cause is known.
BUT the solution is not there.
wth.i feel so shi-bai.
seriously not settin a gd eg at all.
bleah...i can die. =|
arghs.i dun like track anymore..
there ain no passion.
i cant bring glory to e sch.
wheee.so bang wadd.tsktsk.
n im supposed to show sir wad im capable of.
he told me on sat.
to gif him my 101% next 3 trngs.
yet..i din turned up..
wad kind of a person m i?
smart or stupid??
its always TRACK tt's causing me the tears.
totally nto worth it.
why on earth m i even in track..
i shudd not be..
not fit to be one anymore.
i hate etg.to this point of time.
etg.except.BRONTE n COUNCIL.
only prayed to keep these 2 forever.
but e1 tinks its impossible.
but i try to prove em wrong.
tho im not confident at all.
wld rather excel in my studies.
instead of track.
i dun gif a damn abt nats anymore
dun even wanna run..
who knows.i'll probably cum in last of all.
im serious de.u know im not joking.
i shudnt b stressed my track le.
really really not worth it lor.
but no one to blame.
cept myself.for choosing track..
dere's only one reason y i joined track
but i shall shuddup.
hecck.so friggin frustated.
not the girl i once used to be.
wishing to turn back time.
to be a better person.
instead of dropping to the drain.
i hate myself.my life.sorry.
i doubt i can run anymore.
totally no more will n etg.
no one to push me to go on.
and yest.did high jump durin hse prac.
BIG MISTAKE.
cos i fell on the floor.
thump.and i injured my back.
damnit.i got spine prob.
den must lidat..
so hurting.painful.
got a beeg blueblack..
so scared my spine prob worsens.
n when the doc at sgh sees the mark.
he'll probably ask me why.
luckily mum not going tis mon wif me.
if my spine got worst
den at last i dunid to run for short-term.
but better den ntg.
yahh.but i dowana go for an op.
ahh..no wonder my mum forbids me to do high jump.
every year.im bound to hurt myself..
so..i will not participate tis yr.
not taking part in long-d too.
hopefully im permitted.
yupp.im a sore loser.u all know it.
and pankhurst has Grreat runner.
nicole,sockhoon,miaoqun,leticia.
i knwo they r damn bang.
im not good enuff.
hecck lar.as i said.
i dun wish to run anymore.
cos i dun see the point.
altho i still feel guilty.
sighs.back aching.
neck cant turn to right.
bleah.im so full of compliants.
i will never lead a happy life.
my life is just screwed.
yeah.i know.i know.
dunid u to tell me how much i suck.
but tmr's eve of valentine.
okies.lynette must be happy.
no matter how fake it has to be.
=) smile. =)
evivrus i uoy fo soc lla sti. saw i nekorb drah woh tsuj wonk uoy od?
erac nid uoy tt dnuof i nehw tub.reippah eb ll'i tseal ta.
retteb em wenk uoy sihw i.ekas ruoy rof.
ti od llits i.era sgniht drah woh rettam on.rof gte od i tt uoy syawla sti.
i din train yest.nor todae.
n today was OFFICIAL trng.
yesh.i suck..not enthu le.
wish i knew y tis is happenin to me.
n now i know.
i rather quit track den bronte or council.
if i really had to make a choice.serious.
feel lik givin up etg.
cos its juz a waste of time trng
when i know i cant improve.
i cant be bothered anymore.
since sir's angry wif me AGAIN>
cant stand it.
tot tis damn cold war was over.
yet it started agn.shit..$#@!
n im feeling guilty.
supposed to b at trng right now.
i cant believe i din go..
i dunno wads in my head.
why the hell is etg hapennin at the same time?
gosh.life sucks.
first..got scolded by gws.
freakk.totally tink jap pj was a waste of time..
aiya.life just sucks.
its better off dead..
nats in a few weeks.
i dun even seem bothereed.
wish i cld b as anthu as b4.
to b my old self once agn.
cos i simply dun lik now!
wished i was lik ethel or mq..
always goin for LIn's trng.
and me..i just dun run at all.
omg.i tink i shudnt have existed in e ferst plc.
why must track have 2 separate trngs?
why cant e1 train tgt?
does anybody noe its cos of the separation tt we are not as united?
the cause is known.
BUT the solution is not there.
wth.i feel so shi-bai.
seriously not settin a gd eg at all.
bleah...i can die. =|
arghs.i dun like track anymore..
there ain no passion.
i cant bring glory to e sch.
wheee.so bang wadd.tsktsk.
n im supposed to show sir wad im capable of.
he told me on sat.
to gif him my 101% next 3 trngs.
yet..i din turned up..
wad kind of a person m i?
smart or stupid??
its always TRACK tt's causing me the tears.
totally nto worth it.
why on earth m i even in track..
i shudd not be..
not fit to be one anymore.
i hate etg.to this point of time.
etg.except.BRONTE n COUNCIL.
only prayed to keep these 2 forever.
but e1 tinks its impossible.
but i try to prove em wrong.
tho im not confident at all.
wld rather excel in my studies.
instead of track.
i dun gif a damn abt nats anymore
dun even wanna run..
who knows.i'll probably cum in last of all.
im serious de.u know im not joking.
i shudnt b stressed my track le.
really really not worth it lor.
but no one to blame.
cept myself.for choosing track..
dere's only one reason y i joined track
but i shall shuddup.
hecck.so friggin frustated.
not the girl i once used to be.
wishing to turn back time.
to be a better person.
instead of dropping to the drain.
i hate myself.my life.sorry.
i doubt i can run anymore.
totally no more will n etg.
no one to push me to go on.
and yest.did high jump durin hse prac.
BIG MISTAKE.
cos i fell on the floor.
thump.and i injured my back.
damnit.i got spine prob.
den must lidat..
so hurting.painful.
got a beeg blueblack..
so scared my spine prob worsens.
n when the doc at sgh sees the mark.
he'll probably ask me why.
luckily mum not going tis mon wif me.
if my spine got worst
den at last i dunid to run for short-term.
but better den ntg.
yahh.but i dowana go for an op.
ahh..no wonder my mum forbids me to do high jump.
every year.im bound to hurt myself..
so..i will not participate tis yr.
not taking part in long-d too.
hopefully im permitted.
yupp.im a sore loser.u all know it.
and pankhurst has Grreat runner.
nicole,sockhoon,miaoqun,leticia.
i knwo they r damn bang.
im not good enuff.
hecck lar.as i said.
i dun wish to run anymore.
cos i dun see the point.
altho i still feel guilty.
sighs.back aching.
neck cant turn to right.
bleah.im so full of compliants.
i will never lead a happy life.
my life is just screwed.
yeah.i know.i know.
dunid u to tell me how much i suck.
but tmr's eve of valentine.
okies.lynette must be happy.
no matter how fake it has to be.
=) smile. =)
evivrus i uoy fo soc lla sti. saw i nekorb drah woh tsuj wonk uoy od?
erac nid uoy tt dnuof i nehw tub.reippah eb ll'i tseal ta.
retteb em wenk uoy sihw i.ekas ruoy rof.
ti od llits i.era sgniht drah woh rettam on.rof gte od i tt uoy syawla sti.
the girl next door;
Sunday, February 08, 2004
a chronology of events occured juz tis wk.
most are bad.at least there's sum good ones.
sighss..anyway...
i tink im slacking just too muchh.bleahs
3 tchers came up to me saying
"lynette, u better learn to handle track n studies"
yeah.they all disappointed with my damn results.
yeah.maths i barely passed..
10 only.i know its sucks.
n i happily tot i was gonna do well
aww.tis is so saddening lors.
boohoo..
e1 tinks tt im spending too much time on track,
izzit really true?
and e1 blames track if i dun do well.
its not true.
i always tried my best .
but stimes.tgs juz turn out unexpectedly.
im sorry ple..
wadevverr la..i dunno.
my life's just too screwed le.
wellwell.friday was teh best joke kays.
i hadta wear sum freakin white shoes
cos my nike shoes were wet
aft trng on thurs..
and oso cos i wanted to refrain fr running.
so yahh..i wore it.
which caused hellalot of discomfort.
and 3 friggin blisters..eeks
and e1 started commentin i looked different.
basically cos of my shoes.grr..
den elizabeth said i lk lik sec 1..
blahh..i went to sch wif a dictionary u see.
yucks.den aft sch..
had eng remedial.not enrichment.
n was walking arnd wif a whole pile of books.
arghs..plus spec plus whote shoes..
did i really look lik sec 1?
nicole says so...n bcos im short too!
ahh..got no face lerxx. :|
ohwells.at least im a sec 2.heh heh. =)
aft remedial.wanted to go baq.
but it seemed too early to go home.
so studied.for barely a few mins lor.
den decided to go jp.
bougth valentine's gift..
yupp.nic n i took alot of time deciding..
den went home.
mq called..
talkd for lik 1 whole hour..
that gurl arhs..aiyahs..
gave me sum kind of talk..
yeah.totally long.
and it really made sense.
its still in my head rite now.
im tinking abt all tt she said.
n perhaps i shudd juz heed her advice.
she said sth lik
"lynette u r lik walking into a pit and lin is trying to cover it,
but yet u r not even giving him the chance to do so"
yahh.i agree.
u know im dead stubborn..
but anw.thanks..
for all tt brainwashing.
really made me tink twice abt wad i am doing.
yeahh.even made my eyes water..
heh..its tno tt i dowana go for lin trng lor.
but stimes.sir needs me to help him.
yeah.i know his trng is dead slack.
but at the end of teh day..
he still gets the results for teh sch isnt it??
wifout injuring any student u know..
n its reli pressurzing 4 meto go lin trng.
im sorry larhs.
i will still work hard for nats.
but u cant blame me for not believing in myself.
cos stimes.its really too hard to do so..
i have a weak heart..
sobs.. :'(
went turfcity yest..
im nto gonna say wad happen..
when going dere.
cos im too pissed off.
yupp.anw..
went dere.wif nic, eunice, michelle.
den siew ling's mum sent us in fr bus stop.
sth lidat..
started trng abt 9.
c div...b div was at 10am.
yupp.ran the route once only..
good enuff larhs.
my timing wasnt tt bad aft al lor.
as in..yest one was teh best among all.
cos i pushed myself reli hard..
despite all tt pain.
i hadta overcomed my fear.
i din wan wad to happen on tues agn..
i really wanted to run well.
perhaps.i long for a place in the team..
yeah.so at least i was statisfied wif my timing.
but i shudd try to run faster next wk..
den aft trng.drank milo wif sir.
talked abt our team.
aiyahs.very worried abt tis yr c div team.
will be totally surprise lor.
cos thoese who can perform dun even cum for trng.
den lidat how??
wana win also cannot.
to weak lers.
mq is damn bang.super fast.
but she's juz 1 person..
we need a team.
i know she can win the indiv prize.
but sumhow.i dun haf much hope on the teamm..
yeahh.sigh.i dunno wad to do lar.
eeks.a failure.bleughs.
most are bad.at least there's sum good ones.
sighss..anyway...
i tink im slacking just too muchh.bleahs
3 tchers came up to me saying
"lynette, u better learn to handle track n studies"
yeah.they all disappointed with my damn results.
yeah.maths i barely passed..
10 only.i know its sucks.
n i happily tot i was gonna do well
aww.tis is so saddening lors.
boohoo..
e1 tinks tt im spending too much time on track,
izzit really true?
and e1 blames track if i dun do well.
its not true.
i always tried my best .
but stimes.tgs juz turn out unexpectedly.
im sorry ple..
wadevverr la..i dunno.
my life's just too screwed le.
wellwell.friday was teh best joke kays.
i hadta wear sum freakin white shoes
cos my nike shoes were wet
aft trng on thurs..
and oso cos i wanted to refrain fr running.
so yahh..i wore it.
which caused hellalot of discomfort.
and 3 friggin blisters..eeks
and e1 started commentin i looked different.
basically cos of my shoes.grr..
den elizabeth said i lk lik sec 1..
blahh..i went to sch wif a dictionary u see.
yucks.den aft sch..
had eng remedial.not enrichment.
n was walking arnd wif a whole pile of books.
arghs..plus spec plus whote shoes..
did i really look lik sec 1?
nicole says so...n bcos im short too!
ahh..got no face lerxx. :|
ohwells.at least im a sec 2.heh heh. =)
aft remedial.wanted to go baq.
but it seemed too early to go home.
so studied.for barely a few mins lor.
den decided to go jp.
bougth valentine's gift..
yupp.nic n i took alot of time deciding..
den went home.
mq called..
talkd for lik 1 whole hour..
that gurl arhs..aiyahs..
gave me sum kind of talk..
yeah.totally long.
and it really made sense.
its still in my head rite now.
im tinking abt all tt she said.
n perhaps i shudd juz heed her advice.
she said sth lik
"lynette u r lik walking into a pit and lin is trying to cover it,
but yet u r not even giving him the chance to do so"
yahh.i agree.
u know im dead stubborn..
but anw.thanks..
for all tt brainwashing.
really made me tink twice abt wad i am doing.
yeahh.even made my eyes water..
heh..its tno tt i dowana go for lin trng lor.
but stimes.sir needs me to help him.
yeah.i know his trng is dead slack.
but at the end of teh day..
he still gets the results for teh sch isnt it??
wifout injuring any student u know..
n its reli pressurzing 4 meto go lin trng.
im sorry larhs.
i will still work hard for nats.
but u cant blame me for not believing in myself.
cos stimes.its really too hard to do so..
i have a weak heart..
sobs.. :'(
went turfcity yest..
im nto gonna say wad happen..
when going dere.
cos im too pissed off.
yupp.anw..
went dere.wif nic, eunice, michelle.
den siew ling's mum sent us in fr bus stop.
sth lidat..
started trng abt 9.
c div...b div was at 10am.
yupp.ran the route once only..
good enuff larhs.
my timing wasnt tt bad aft al lor.
as in..yest one was teh best among all.
cos i pushed myself reli hard..
despite all tt pain.
i hadta overcomed my fear.
i din wan wad to happen on tues agn..
i really wanted to run well.
perhaps.i long for a place in the team..
yeah.so at least i was statisfied wif my timing.
but i shudd try to run faster next wk..
den aft trng.drank milo wif sir.
talked abt our team.
aiyahs.very worried abt tis yr c div team.
will be totally surprise lor.
cos thoese who can perform dun even cum for trng.
den lidat how??
wana win also cannot.
to weak lers.
mq is damn bang.super fast.
but she's juz 1 person..
we need a team.
i know she can win the indiv prize.
but sumhow.i dun haf much hope on the teamm..
yeahh.sigh.i dunno wad to do lar.
eeks.a failure.bleughs.
the girl next door;
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
i am not a good senior.
please dont think i am.
cos i only break down after one setback.
i cant be trusted.
i can only let others down.
disappointed as well.
i know i dont derserve atg.
so i think.
i dun derserve the way u tink highly of me either.
please dont think i am.
cos i only break down after one setback.
i cant be trusted.
i can only let others down.
disappointed as well.
i know i dont derserve atg.
so i think.
i dun derserve the way u tink highly of me either.
the girl next door;
[disappointed]
haven i trained enuff to get sth better den 10th?
tis is so saddening.
wad kind of shit results pls..
i've tried so hard..
why cldnt god grant me my wish.
i noe u dowan me to get in top 10.
but u din have to do that rite?
do u know its very mean?
how heart broken i am...?
i have feelings.
and i dun care if u dun have..
so disappointed.
let bronte down.
let sir down.
let lin down.
let e1 who thinks i am gd down.
n MYSELF.
wad on earth is happenin to me.
i cant stand this.
and to tell u the truth..
i cant accept this failure.
serious de.
immediately aft the race.
i knew i din do my best..
i cld have done much better.
i cld have kp up wif the other x-runners pace.
yet i decided to gif up in the middle of the race.
i Stopped.
why did i?
i seem to lost the confidence in myself.
i dun wish to cont.
im really stressed up.
all thanks to trackk.
others tink im sum wondergirl.
handling track.house.council
but im not.
im really a falure..
truly one..
i cant helped being demoraelised.
its juz..so hard to accept this blow.
i cldnt hold back my tears.
etg came out..
drip by drip
till my eyes were swollen.
sorry i scared u ple by crying
frens came one by one to comfort me.
but sorry.i juz cldnt control my feelings.
n hey ethel.
yeah.i knwo u asked me to cont at e slope.
and not to let u overtake me.
but sorry.i juz gave up at tt time.
thats why i even stopped
sighs.im so shi-bai
i wish i cle die..
i dunno how im going to face others now.
esp lin..
cos he will tink tt 've been going under sir.
thats y lidat
and nats is in a mths time.
now i know..
i dun have a place in my team anymore.
i can easily be replaced.
judging from my speed.
i dunno.
i dun care.
cos anw.i've given up hope on myself.
i know i cant do it anymore..
just feel lik smashin e trophy.
but im not so bad..
its juz e damn bad feeling..
heart broken into pieces..
smiles all fake..
it was juz for the sake of my frens
who stood by me
i regret lotsa tgs i did yest.
so wrong..
but wads the point.
etg has to come to an end.
and this have to hapenned.
so i have to acept it.
no matter wad..
yess.i admit.
i amdepressed
i cant take this pressure fr anyone..
sprained dunno whihc part of my body.
cos all i noe.im walking funnily.
limping.very badly.
n i dun wish to go sch tmr..
arghs..how lehs?
many trackerrs.
esp x-country runners are satisfied wif todays performance
but yet,mine is a total opp.
i really think i cld have ran much faster.
sighs
thinkingbackaboutmyperformanceearlier
mytearsjustflowdownmycheeksagain
iwishicouldflytoheaven
andseekhelpfromgod.sorry.
haven i trained enuff to get sth better den 10th?
tis is so saddening.
wad kind of shit results pls..
i've tried so hard..
why cldnt god grant me my wish.
i noe u dowan me to get in top 10.
but u din have to do that rite?
do u know its very mean?
how heart broken i am...?
i have feelings.
and i dun care if u dun have..
so disappointed.
let bronte down.
let sir down.
let lin down.
let e1 who thinks i am gd down.
n MYSELF.
wad on earth is happenin to me.
i cant stand this.
and to tell u the truth..
i cant accept this failure.
serious de.
immediately aft the race.
i knew i din do my best..
i cld have done much better.
i cld have kp up wif the other x-runners pace.
yet i decided to gif up in the middle of the race.
i Stopped.
why did i?
i seem to lost the confidence in myself.
i dun wish to cont.
im really stressed up.
all thanks to trackk.
others tink im sum wondergirl.
handling track.house.council
but im not.
im really a falure..
truly one..
i cant helped being demoraelised.
its juz..so hard to accept this blow.
i cldnt hold back my tears.
etg came out..
drip by drip
till my eyes were swollen.
sorry i scared u ple by crying
frens came one by one to comfort me.
but sorry.i juz cldnt control my feelings.
n hey ethel.
yeah.i knwo u asked me to cont at e slope.
and not to let u overtake me.
but sorry.i juz gave up at tt time.
thats why i even stopped
sighs.im so shi-bai
i wish i cle die..
i dunno how im going to face others now.
esp lin..
cos he will tink tt 've been going under sir.
thats y lidat
and nats is in a mths time.
now i know..
i dun have a place in my team anymore.
i can easily be replaced.
judging from my speed.
i dunno.
i dun care.
cos anw.i've given up hope on myself.
i know i cant do it anymore..
just feel lik smashin e trophy.
but im not so bad..
its juz e damn bad feeling..
heart broken into pieces..
smiles all fake..
it was juz for the sake of my frens
who stood by me
i regret lotsa tgs i did yest.
so wrong..
but wads the point.
etg has to come to an end.
and this have to hapenned.
so i have to acept it.
no matter wad..
yess.i admit.
i am
i cant take this pressure fr anyone..
sprained dunno whihc part of my body.
cos all i noe.im walking funnily.
limping.very badly.
n i dun wish to go sch tmr..
arghs..how lehs?
many trackerrs.
esp x-country runners are satisfied wif todays performance
but yet,mine is a total opp.
i really think i cld have ran much faster.
sighs
mytearsjustflowdownmycheeksagain
iwishicouldflytoheaven
andseekhelpfromgod.sorry.
the girl next door;
Monday, February 02, 2004
tmr's the big day.
yet im stil in the mood to bowl this morning.
wth.
dunnoe wad im up to.
my mind kps focusing on the com.
sghs.n tis is not even inter-sch lor.
suffered from nervous breakdown.
bleah.
caterpillars.cucoons.butterflies.
etg developing in my tummy.arghs.
i wish.i wish.
to do bronte proud.
but yet..i knwo its impossible.
for a miracle to happen.
and sumone like lynette.
a big fat slacker
well.perhaps im not exactly worried.
but rather.
the fact is tt im afraid tolose
mayb im juz a sore loser.
ohwell.sighs...
im runing wif stress.
gt no idea why..
i tink i wun b able to slp tonite.
im so scared..
n nic decided to go baq to lin's trng.
n i haf to listen to her advice.
cos she gives great advises?
bleah.i duno.i dun wan.
its not tt i hate lin or sth.
juz tt..im stressed wnever i go his trngs.
his workouts are not tt hard either.
rather cos i dowana b last.
e feeling is so horrendous.
n i always breakdown aft tt.
he kps insisiting tt i dun train..
but does he actually noe wad i do wn he's nt arnd?
i've tried my best etime
but yet no one believes me..
why is this so..?
i wish to have the answers agn.
please dun make me suffer..
i wish i cld bring glory to the sch.
but its not within my limits.
i know im not fast enuff.
i know im the slowest of em all.
but i wish i wasnt so pressurzued by ebody..
especially sir n lin..
he may not mean wad he say each time.
but i take each n every word to heart.
in stays in my mind forever.
n sum tgs.have yet to b forgotten..
my heart is beating so loudly.
i am thinking too much.
so much to the extend i cant concentrate.
i dunno wad to do right now.
i wish to relax.
but the fear is just to great.
with no one to talk my troubles do.
again..my heart is broken.
why am i sucha coward?
why cant i just step to the race confidently.
its not gd to b full of yourself.
but neither izzit good to doubt ur abilities so much.
sumone lik me.
seriously dun derserve to be in this world.
shud nt have existed in the first place.
no one cares.no one will ever care.
i just pray to have a life of my own.
thats all..i ask for.
now that i have to go for lin's trng.
jamie cant cum to my house.
so i have to complete the project by myself.
wah!this is like so fair wadd.
totally dun mind at all..
i wonder of all the sacrifices for track
is worth it anotz.
stimes i feel that i shudnt have done sum tgs at all.
for track..
cos as usual.
dere aint no credit given.
n i dun get wad i derserve.
life is unfair.that i know..
but laoshi juz taught one chapter.
sayin tt we shud juz give..
wifout wantin atg in return..
but aiyas.
i will try doing that.
n im supposed to feel happy aft giving.
but i am not...
i.j.u.s.t.w.a.n.t.u.t.o.t.r.u.s.t.m.e.n.n.o.t.d.o.u.b.t.m.e
i.f.u.t.i.n.k.i.c.a.n.t.b.e.t.r.u.s.t.e.d.d.e.n.n.v.m.
yet im stil in the mood to bowl this morning.
wth.
dunnoe wad im up to.
my mind kps focusing on the com.
sghs.n tis is not even inter-sch lor.
suffered from nervous breakdown.
bleah.
caterpillars.cucoons.butterflies.
etg developing in my tummy.arghs.
i wish.i wish.
to do bronte proud.
but yet..i knwo its impossible.
for a miracle to happen.
and sumone like lynette.
a big fat slacker
well.perhaps im not exactly worried.
but rather.
the fact is tt im afraid to
mayb im juz a sore loser.
ohwell.sighs...
im runing wif stress.
gt no idea why..
i tink i wun b able to slp tonite.
im so scared..
n nic decided to go baq to lin's trng.
n i haf to listen to her advice.
cos she gives great advises?
bleah.i duno.i dun wan.
its not tt i hate lin or sth.
juz tt..im stressed wnever i go his trngs.
his workouts are not tt hard either.
rather cos i dowana b last.
e feeling is so horrendous.
n i always breakdown aft tt.
he kps insisiting tt i dun train..
but does he actually noe wad i do wn he's nt arnd?
i've tried my best etime
but yet no one believes me..
why is this so..?
i wish to have the answers agn.
please dun make me suffer..
i wish i cld bring glory to the sch.
but its not within my limits.
i know im not fast enuff.
i know im the slowest of em all.
but i wish i wasnt so pressurzued by ebody..
especially sir n lin..
he may not mean wad he say each time.
but i take each n every word to heart.
in stays in my mind forever.
n sum tgs.have yet to b forgotten..
my heart is beating so loudly.
i am thinking too much.
so much to the extend i cant concentrate.
i dunno wad to do right now.
i wish to relax.
but the fear is just to great.
with no one to talk my troubles do.
again..my heart is broken.
why am i sucha coward?
why cant i just step to the race confidently.
its not gd to b full of yourself.
but neither izzit good to doubt ur abilities so much.
sumone lik me.
seriously dun derserve to be in this world.
shud nt have existed in the first place.
no one cares.no one will ever care.
i just pray to have a life of my own.
thats all..i ask for.
now that i have to go for lin's trng.
jamie cant cum to my house.
so i have to complete the project by myself.
wah!this is like so fair wadd.
totally dun mind at all..
i wonder of all the sacrifices for track
is worth it anotz.
stimes i feel that i shudnt have done sum tgs at all.
for track..
cos as usual.
dere aint no credit given.
n i dun get wad i derserve.
life is unfair.that i know..
but laoshi juz taught one chapter.
sayin tt we shud juz give..
wifout wantin atg in return..
but aiyas.
i will try doing that.
n im supposed to feel happy aft giving.
but i am not...
i.j.u.s.t.w.a.n.t.u.t.o.t.r.u.s.t.m.e.n.n.o.t.d.o.u.b.t.m.e
i.f.u.t.i.n.k.i.c.a.n.t.b.e.t.r.u.s.t.e.d.d.e.n.n.v.m.
the girl next door;
LYNETTE ♥
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July 2009
CREDITS
layout: ineedahugandoh;
Images: #
brushes: ##