I ought to be resting now, there are still 2 tests tmr which I barely prepared for. But reading some of my teammates entries on Cross Nationals yesterday, makes me wanna do the same too. So I guess, the season Has ended.
It was an entirely different feeling before the race for the first time in my 6 years in track. There wasn't fear in me but pure excitement. Over and over again, the route kept replaying in my mind. I visualised how I wanted to run the route, how I had to keep up with the first pack. As much as I was pretty frustrated initially cos the dance studio wasn't opened for us to rest, and when it was, there was too much noise to even fall asleep, I didn't fret too much about it. I was still excited at that point of time. Until we left school and reached, everything changed there and then. I finally began to feel nervous, seeing the sea of supporters. It's not like I havent experience that before, but really it was quite nerve wrecking.
At the start line, I could see before me the supporters on my left, the huge plot grass where the race would soon begin. But the minute the horn sounded, I knew that something was wrong. I didn't dare to start fast so I just followed. Who would have expected that after the U turn on the track, things started to go awry. Perhaps I'm not as aggressive as some say, but i got tripped only after 200m from the start line. Although I didn't fall, it was already on obstacle to me. And once we hit the first slope, seeing the entire team of 6 from RJ,VJ and HC already in front of me, I knew in my heart that Top 20 won't be attainable anymore. I didn't feel as strong as I did for the past 2 races at Mac, I was quite breathless. To be frank, I gave up on myself halfway through the race, after getting tripped 2 more times. Plus having supporters from other schools throughout the course made me lose more hope in myself. Maybe it's the fear, the lost of faith that made me developed stiches that deterred me to speed up, as much as I tried to keep myself going. It was such a painful Cross race, it just didn't go the way I hoped it would. The last stretch, I saw SIR and he cheered me on and yes I was slightly more motivated. And there was Suling who inspired me to just give the best I could. Last 100m, I whacked and I overtook about 5 athletes, hearing my teammates screaming for me.
I crossed the finishing line at last, collapsing to the ground only to be carried by 2 first aiders to rest. My heart was racing, my legs were aching but at least I completed the race. It was only I regained conscious of the surroundings did realisation struck hard that it was over, just like that. I cried for a very long time, extremely upset over my performance. It wasn't just the disappointment I felt, the feeling was just so terrible I can't describe.
But I really do want to thank all those who cared, who attempted to cheer me up. And of course the countless smses prior to the race and after the race. I felt alot better when Mr Irwan and Mr Lim were all smiles when they spoke to me, and they were still proud of me for perservering, for surviving all odds and leading the team. Mr Irwan thanked me many times and I did feel very appreciated. Thank you for believing in me all these while.
After reflecting on this race yesterday and today, I concluded that what would remain memorable about the Cross season is really not about the races or the results, but rather the course of preparation, the trainings that the team went through together. Some of us may be disappointed about our performances, but I really hope that the team will gather all the strength to continue training hard for the next season. I always tell them a quote I saw at Zhenghua Primary that Winning is not important, the want to win is. Let us pick ourselves up and continue striving for the best, because after all this, I still have the faith that this team will grow from strength to strength. We may not be the best, but we know we've put in our best. So let's believe in ourselves and do even better for Track Nationals.