How great to start the new term like this.
So it was a series of facing up to reality, looking at the numbers of each subject which reflects your effort put in for each paper during common test and having 2 tests on the first day of term 3. It was such a bad way to start school, thank goodness it's over. I can't believe how badly I fared for CTs, it's really a good wake up call, I promise I'll really buck up from tomorrow onwards because there's no time left to lose. Initially, when I recieved the papers, I was taken my surprise, staring in disbelief, especially for chemistry. It's those marks you think you can still multiply by 2 or perhaps the teacher has forgotten to add the MCQ marks. Whatever it was, you just refuse to believe the marks you're looking at is out of 100. Yes, you can probably guess how badly I did. So it was just shock after shock, the sense of regret and pang of guilt hasn't set in YET. Not until it was the end of school and you had all the time to reflect while waiting for Econs test to commence at 430pm. It was there and then I felt awful, on the verge of breaking down. Look at the class list and you see the first 5 girls getting As or Bs and you see the next few a far cry from that. That's how extreme my class is, the distinction between the good and the bad is really quite obvious. Frankly, it's sad and demoraelising. You wonder how long you'll take to even reach that standard. But then again, I ask myself who am I supposed to blame besides myself? What's the point of regreting when in the first place the effort you put in is uncomparable to those that have done well? Met mq during lunch and she said in such a fluster I'm so glad I'm not running anymore. It made me think if all those sacrifices I've made for track has been worthless, all because of results? True enough, I do place track as the first priority. I've been training hard it'll be the dumbest thing to give up just because of those red marks now. Just one more month, I'll perservere. Wanching, you must too!! Yeah we may have sort of wasted the past 1 half years in NJ but hey at least we had fun and have great memories to remember off right? Cheeer up, I'll nag at you to study from now!

Well but admist all those unsatisfactory results from my content subjects, who would have ever expected my GP to do the best? It only shows one thing, that hardwork pays off cause I did well for the subject I conscientiously prepared for. And I'm so thankful of the GP tuition I have. Mr Wilks just made me wanna read more to increase my knowledge and yes, I don't hate GP like how I used to anymore! Heh imagine 3rd in class, gosh this sure is the first time in history!
I was worried what my mum would say with my results this time, and I really went home in fear. On the bus home, the time alone was good to really think about what I want to do in the following weeks and months, how I'm going to prepared for the big A's. So even though my mum didn't even express the slightest unhappiness or disappointment in me which I was quite relieved about, I still feel bad. You know it's those silent treatment that really makes you feel so terrible. Perhaps I'm just lucky she was in a good mood, or because she knew I'll work hard and strive for better results next time. Sometimes, it's really those people around me that have so much faith that I'll do well eventually looking at my character etc. Yeah so I guess I really ought to have more confidence in myself, believing that I really do have the potential to do well.

So I've decided, when I'm training, I must not think about studies.
And when I'm studying, I must not think about track.

It's gonna be a tough time ahead, but we really gotta hang in there! Trackers, don't be disheartened too. We're not hopeless yet, all we gotta do is pick ourselves up and buck up too! We can do it!!! :) Yay, I feel slightly better ranting. Thanks to all those who tried to cheer me up and make me think positively!