my dirty little secrets.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
I made a terrible blunder in school today. I was too negligent :( Perhaps as V said I'm just being too perfectionist. Oh man this is really bad, now I have phobia of placing things on top of my cupboard :(
the girl next door;
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
I've been thinking so much the past few days, yet I still can't seem to come to a conclusion. There're so many factors pulling me away but it's just a matter of whether the factors holding me back outweighs everything else. Sometimes I simply hate decision-making! :( It's like, the workload lately has increased tremendously and I really feel so drained everyday. It's more of the paperwork that makes it so frustrating. Lessons wise, it's really fine. My students are a pretty fun bunch so I do enjoy lessons as much as before. I guess more importantly what's really pulling me away is because I've been talking about it so often to friends etc, and everyone seems to be for the idea of me quitting, even some of my collegues think so. Haha that explains the high turnover rate in the school. But I really can't bear to leave my students behind and I'll miss my collegues too! :( One student was so cute last friday she asked me when I was leaving and said "Ms Tan, you don't leave okay? You leave, I leave." Although I don't have the slightest clue whether she truly meant it, but it just pained me to hear that. Sometimes, you're just worried you've created too much a dependency for them. But on the other hand, most of the time, students will just forget you a few days after you leave. I am really in a dilemma. I feel its better to end everything nicely, like quit at the end of Term 1 rather than mid Term 2 where the timetable will probably change since some permanent teachers are also leaving.. The more I think about it, the worst it gets somehow. But perhaps things will or rather should get better once C returns and takes back her Form Class and my workload will probably decrease. So maybe I should just wait for Term 2 before deciding? But then again, I feel like doing something else. Arghh there're so many BUTS. I'm very confused.
Massive headache today. Wonder if it's because I slept with wet hair or because I'm just stressed from thinking too much. Either way, it made school so torturous today. Plus the heat just totally killed me expecially when I brought 2 classes out of school. Felt slightly better after I ate lunch at 3pm and had dance, we learnt the dance from the 60s today. Haha it was rather relaxing :) Decided to spring a surprise on HB at Starbucks omg I miss her like crazy feels so good to chat to her again after a VERY long time. Can't wait for a proper meet up. AND HB it's NOT true I never find time for you okay! Hahaha dinner with UU thereafter, finally we met :D Loves those chats, you just feel so relxaed and un-stressed when you chit chat over a cup of drink :) Thankfully, I had a lovely night to make up for the terrible day earlier.
Massive headache today. Wonder if it's because I slept with wet hair or because I'm just stressed from thinking too much. Either way, it made school so torturous today. Plus the heat just totally killed me expecially when I brought 2 classes out of school. Felt slightly better after I ate lunch at 3pm and had dance, we learnt the dance from the 60s today. Haha it was rather relaxing :) Decided to spring a surprise on HB at Starbucks omg I miss her like crazy feels so good to chat to her again after a VERY long time. Can't wait for a proper meet up. AND HB it's NOT true I never find time for you okay! Hahaha dinner with UU thereafter, finally we met :D Loves those chats, you just feel so relxaed and un-stressed when you chit chat over a cup of drink :) Thankfully, I had a lovely night to make up for the terrible day earlier.
the girl next door;
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Lovely nights, MSN convos, Meet-ups with friends, Long journeys home but thankfully with company :D It's all these little things that make life so much better, so much happier. Caught a movie after 2 months, Slumdog millionaire it was awesome :) I couldnt help thinking of the uncanny resembleance between the main character Jamal and Dev! Turns out he's called Dev too hahah what a coincidence.
A SQUID HAS 10 LEGS, AND OCTOPUS HAS 8. HAHA.
A SQUID HAS 10 LEGS, AND OCTOPUS HAS 8. HAHA.
the girl next door;
Thursday, February 19, 2009
I need to screeeammmm.
Oh man I seriously am going crazy rahhh, I'm still in school but taking the time to rant and destress a little. I'm seriously the most overworked relief teacher im sure. PDM, ITP, CCA, SWP, CAT. Okay no one probably knows what they stand for but its kinda the things I need to do. Frankly I'm really considering to quit after Term 1. But I'll feel so bad to my students though ZY says he's worried for me at this rate too. RAHHH. My throats hurts so does my head, thank goodness tution was postponed today.
Oh man I seriously am going crazy rahhh, I'm still in school but taking the time to rant and destress a little. I'm seriously the most overworked relief teacher im sure. PDM, ITP, CCA, SWP, CAT. Okay no one probably knows what they stand for but its kinda the things I need to do. Frankly I'm really considering to quit after Term 1. But I'll feel so bad to my students though ZY says he's worried for me at this rate too. RAHHH. My throats hurts so does my head, thank goodness tution was postponed today.
the girl next door;
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I now understand how come my father is irritable at times after he returns home for dinner. After a long day at work I was hoping for some quiet so it's really frustrating to hear all the nagging etc. Arghh I'm so so exhausted. Wednesdays are really the craziest days. I don't get to sit down much at all and it's really tiring to manage some of the students. It's like I come home everyday with hardly any energy to do anything but sit in front of the television. And at 10pm, I'll be lying on my bed. RAHH being a student is seriously much better. The stress level is building up over the days. Thank goodness the long day is already over, I'm so relieved:)
Some little things which made the day slightly better:
1) Below's a conversation my collegue told me which she had with our class. The class was colouring pictures.
Teacher: What is your favourite colour?
Student: Black and Pink.
Teacher: Why these 2 colours?
Student: Because Ms Tan is wearing Black.
Hahaha I was so amused when I heard it from her.
2)I was having a chat with one of the HODs and we were talking about how we as relief teachers are being 'exploited' hahah cos of the meagre amount we get comparatively. And I asked if we were cheap labour to the school? He replied that the reason why the school is keeping us even after they reach the max number of PS is because some of us as RT are even better. Haha not a direct praise but still, it's just nice to hear such a comment.
Some little things which made the day slightly better:
1) Below's a conversation my collegue told me which she had with our class. The class was colouring pictures.
Teacher: What is your favourite colour?
Student: Black and Pink.
Teacher: Why these 2 colours?
Student: Because Ms Tan is wearing Black.
Hahaha I was so amused when I heard it from her.
2)I was having a chat with one of the HODs and we were talking about how we as relief teachers are being 'exploited' hahah cos of the meagre amount we get comparatively. And I asked if we were cheap labour to the school? He replied that the reason why the school is keeping us even after they reach the max number of PS is because some of us as RT are even better. Haha not a direct praise but still, it's just nice to hear such a comment.
the girl next door;
Sunday, February 08, 2009
This week passed exceptionally fast. It's Sunday already and tmr's back to school. Perhaps it's the meet ups with different groups of people, doing things unlike the earlier weeks that has made this week rather exciting. And it made me think alot too, about what I really want to do in future.
I wonder if I dress like a teacher or I've the personality of a teacher or what. This week itself, almost everyone I met asked me the same thing. "Are you a teacher now?" Hahah so I had to repeat myself several times, "Yes I am, do I really look like one?" Well, it's been about a month or more that I've worked as a teacher and true enough I don't deny that I've been enjoying every bit of teaching. Even though sometimes it makes me so frustrated when they don't understand certain concepts even after I keep repeating them. But then again, they're of course many more joys that far outweighs the little unhappiness that makes me just forget all the bad things. After all, I've always wanted to be a teacher so even though the working environment slightly different from that of a mainstream school, it's still largely enriching. And with so many people asking me lately what I'm planning to study in future, it struck me that I realy gotta start thinking instead of having the 'bochap' attitude as my dad puts it. Thankfully I'm working with collegues who are older than me, most of them are fresh graduates so they've given me much advice and insights.Plus my friends' enlightenment too! Seriously, I spent the past few days thinking about this. All these while, whenever anyone asked me abt what I planned to study, I was never hesitant to reply "business in SMU". But never did I realise that business actually is very broad, and yes I don't have a clue about what 'business' really is. And i don't even know the reason why I wanted to study business initially :X So after some serious consideration, and talking to people about the different courses (yes I decided to do more meaningful stuff) I now know what I really want to do :D Hahaha PSYCHOLOGY. When I first told my dad, he was asking if Im sure and his idea of studying psychology is for me to psycho people in future =/ Haha it was quite funny hearing him say that. But all along, I always enjoy working with people and I guess it is this present job that makes me realise much more why I should study psychology. Then only can I finally understand certain behaviours of my students. But of course, I am aware how competitive this course is. SMU only offers 133 places for Psychology if I remembered correctly. Not too sure about NUS though. So hopefully I do well for A Levels, then only can I pursue a degree which I'm truly interested in :)
The weeks ahead are gonna be very very busy, especially with the proposal for Tapestry09 coming up this month, my mentor going on leave and my tutee's CA1. Anyway I shall help NJ publicise a little since this year is NJ's 40th anniversary!
"Calling all ex-NJCians! NJC will kick off the celebration of her 40th anniversary with an Alumnus Road Run on the morning of 28 February (Saturday). This is one of the many activities that will be organised this year for all ex-NJcians to meet up and celebrate the 40th birthday of their alma mater. Simply email njc@moe.edu.sg with the subject "40th Anniversary Road Run", with your name, contact number, njc class and year of graduation and we will get back to you with the full details!"
If I decide the really participate tgt with the crossers, that'll give me more motivation to train more often despite my hectic schedule hahaha.
I wonder if I dress like a teacher or I've the personality of a teacher or what. This week itself, almost everyone I met asked me the same thing. "Are you a teacher now?" Hahah so I had to repeat myself several times, "Yes I am, do I really look like one?" Well, it's been about a month or more that I've worked as a teacher and true enough I don't deny that I've been enjoying every bit of teaching. Even though sometimes it makes me so frustrated when they don't understand certain concepts even after I keep repeating them. But then again, they're of course many more joys that far outweighs the little unhappiness that makes me just forget all the bad things. After all, I've always wanted to be a teacher so even though the working environment slightly different from that of a mainstream school, it's still largely enriching. And with so many people asking me lately what I'm planning to study in future, it struck me that I realy gotta start thinking instead of having the 'bochap' attitude as my dad puts it. Thankfully I'm working with collegues who are older than me, most of them are fresh graduates so they've given me much advice and insights.Plus my friends' enlightenment too! Seriously, I spent the past few days thinking about this. All these while, whenever anyone asked me abt what I planned to study, I was never hesitant to reply "business in SMU". But never did I realise that business actually is very broad, and yes I don't have a clue about what 'business' really is. And i don't even know the reason why I wanted to study business initially :X So after some serious consideration, and talking to people about the different courses (yes I decided to do more meaningful stuff) I now know what I really want to do :D Hahaha PSYCHOLOGY. When I first told my dad, he was asking if Im sure and his idea of studying psychology is for me to psycho people in future =/ Haha it was quite funny hearing him say that. But all along, I always enjoy working with people and I guess it is this present job that makes me realise much more why I should study psychology. Then only can I finally understand certain behaviours of my students. But of course, I am aware how competitive this course is. SMU only offers 133 places for Psychology if I remembered correctly. Not too sure about NUS though. So hopefully I do well for A Levels, then only can I pursue a degree which I'm truly interested in :)
The weeks ahead are gonna be very very busy, especially with the proposal for Tapestry09 coming up this month, my mentor going on leave and my tutee's CA1. Anyway I shall help NJ publicise a little since this year is NJ's 40th anniversary!
"Calling all ex-NJCians! NJC will kick off the celebration of her 40th anniversary with an Alumnus Road Run on the morning of 28 February (Saturday). This is one of the many activities that will be organised this year for all ex-NJcians to meet up and celebrate the 40th birthday of their alma mater. Simply email njc@moe.edu.sg with the subject "40th Anniversary Road Run", with your name, contact number, njc class and year of graduation and we will get back to you with the full details!"
If I decide the really participate tgt with the crossers, that'll give me more motivation to train more often despite my hectic schedule hahaha.
the girl next door;
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Statement of Purpose: What are some of the values and beliefs you hold strongly to? Please provide examples of how you have demonstrated these in your actions.
Omg what am i supposed to write?!? I am CLUELESS =/ And Qiuu just told me the A Level results are coming out on the 13th March. Oh man oh man I don't wanna get back.
Tmr onwards, I'll have much lesser free time cos I've been given another class to go to, which makes my instructional hours 26! Don't ask me why I'm so lucky I've no idea. I've already reached the maximum any teacher can get. Wednesdays are the worst cos I've no free periods plus CCA in the afternoon:( So everyday when I reach home I'm totally drained out of my energy, the worst thing is if I still got tuition at night. That's why I Finally decided I should drop one of my tuition kid, else I'll have no life(haha that's what my brother claims.) Thankfully for me, the mother suggested stopping tuition for a month since she's on MC. Haha I was quite happy when she told me today, at least I didn't have to think of how to break the news to her cos I feel quite bad too. Today I had a hard time leaving cos the girls were like 'I want tuition! I want tuition!' Haha feels quite nice to be liked;) HAHAHA Then the mother was telling me I must return after one month. So will think about it again a month later, but I won't mind if it's just once a week on Sundays. For now, I'm just so thankful I've got one less committment :)
Oh oh my brother got 7 points and can't get into NJC! After deduction he got 5 points only! I feel so touched MRSHAM is willing to put in a good word for him on my account. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for him!
I MISS CRESCENT. AND NJ TOO :( :( :( Okay this is random, but chatting to my friends now reminds me alot about schoo life the past 6 years. School life now is just so different, simply because I'm working and not studying. No longer have the chance to just do nothing at the grandstand, running on the track with teammates etc etc etc. Miss miss miss alot of people. If only there's more time to meet up rahhh.
Omg what am i supposed to write?!? I am CLUELESS =/ And Qiuu just told me the A Level results are coming out on the 13th March. Oh man oh man I don't wanna get back.
Tmr onwards, I'll have much lesser free time cos I've been given another class to go to, which makes my instructional hours 26! Don't ask me why I'm so lucky I've no idea. I've already reached the maximum any teacher can get. Wednesdays are the worst cos I've no free periods plus CCA in the afternoon:( So everyday when I reach home I'm totally drained out of my energy, the worst thing is if I still got tuition at night. That's why I Finally decided I should drop one of my tuition kid, else I'll have no life(haha that's what my brother claims.) Thankfully for me, the mother suggested stopping tuition for a month since she's on MC. Haha I was quite happy when she told me today, at least I didn't have to think of how to break the news to her cos I feel quite bad too. Today I had a hard time leaving cos the girls were like 'I want tuition! I want tuition!' Haha feels quite nice to be liked;) HAHAHA Then the mother was telling me I must return after one month. So will think about it again a month later, but I won't mind if it's just once a week on Sundays. For now, I'm just so thankful I've got one less committment :)
Oh oh my brother got 7 points and can't get into NJC! After deduction he got 5 points only! I feel so touched MRSHAM is willing to put in a good word for him on my account. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for him!
I MISS CRESCENT. AND NJ TOO :( :( :( Okay this is random, but chatting to my friends now reminds me alot about schoo life the past 6 years. School life now is just so different, simply because I'm working and not studying. No longer have the chance to just do nothing at the grandstand, running on the track with teammates etc etc etc. Miss miss miss alot of people. If only there's more time to meet up rahhh.
the girl next door;
LYNETTE ♥
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